Steam Community : : Garry's Mod. Achievement hunting on Steam is serious business. While Valve's storefront might not have Xbox's Gamerscore or Play. Station's Trophies, there are still plenty of PC gamers who appreciate the way Steam achievements challenge them to play games in new and interesting ways. Then there's the satisfaction of knowing you're one of just a small percentage of players who've explored every nook and cranny, maxed out every stat, or earned every gold medal a game has to offer. The thing is, a lot of Steam achievements are kind of boring. Kill 1. 0,0. 00 enemies, hit level 9. Ultra Nightmare Hardcore difficulty—most of the objectives feel like they've fallen straight out of a free- to- play MMO's quest log. Even the rarest achievements are often little more than tedious grind fests, requiring you to play 5. These achievements aren't particularly fun to earn, let alone read about. But buried in Steam's massive catalog of games are some truly obscure, brutally difficult achievements that less than 0. These are achievements worthy of the name. Most of us will never earn them, but we can dream. Note: Total owners approximated from Steam. Spy. Verified achievement stats through AStats. Devil Daggers. Devil Dagger - Survive 5. Even more » Account Options. Sign in; Search settings. Total Owners: 2. 36,0. Completion Percentage: 0. For something you could complete in the downtime between Dota matches, frantic FPS Devil Dagger's one and only achievement has managed to defy 9. That might seem odd given how simple its requirement sounds: all you have to do is survive for 5. I mean, I do that all the time. See. That last 5. I just survived that. But yeah. Surviving Devil Daggers is a wee bit tougher than running out the clock in real life. Despite the game selling for a mere fiver, just 0. Devil Dagger' achievement. Watching replays of those runs is equal parts mesmerizing and depressing, making it painfully clear just how amateur my own skills are. I could probably spend the next year playing nothing but Devil Daggers and still not come close to the graceful death- dealing of players like the world- record- smashing bowsr. When the apocalypse hits and the whole world goes to hell, I'll be the redshirt incinerated in the first ten seconds. Crusader Kings 2. Not so Bad - Survive the End Times Total Owners: 1. Completion Percentage: 0. Crusader Kings 2, champion of the grand strategy genre, is full of intricate, multi- layered achievements few players have managed to unlock. From installing a female ruler in the five baronies of the Orthodox Pentarchy, to trampling the Pope with a horde of elephants, over a dozen eclectic achievements are currently sitting at a completion rate of less than 0. The one I want to shout out, though, is the 'Not so Bad' achievement awarded for surviving the End Times. Ostensibly, you unlock this achievement by surviving the rise of the Prophet of Doom and the Black Death he's convinced will destroy humanity. A Crusader Kings player going by the username Xolotl. Reddit, however, inadvertently earned themselves the achievement due to their investment in high- quality hospital care and their imprisonment of the Prophet for disturbing the peace. The Prophet then hanged himself, but not before sending the player a letter that read: 'If you are reading this letter, I am with God, or with Lucifer.., if so, then you were right. If not, then I was right.' I've not had the time to play Crusader Kings 2, but after reading this story, I think I'm going to have to clear my schedule. Any game where you can avert the End Times through hygiene is a winner in my book. Rising Storm / Red Orchestra 2. Bringing a sword to a sword fight – As an American soldier kill an Axis soldier wielding a Katana, with a Katana. Stick it to Tojo – As an Allied soldier, kill 1. Axis soldiers with a bayonet. Total Owners: 2. 7 million (unreliable due to free weekend) Completion percentage: 0. Rising Storm's focus on historically authentic, asymmetrical WWII combat means that, naturally, American soldiers do not spawn into the battlefield with katanas. In order to get one, you have to defeat a Japanese soldier who's carrying one. And in order to get the "Bringing a sword.." achievement, you then have to pick up their katana, find another Japanese soldier with a katana, and then defeat them with the weapon of their ancestors. It's a hard scenario to concoct in an FPS where rifles and grenades are the preferred way to fight. Bit. Trip Beat. MEAT. BOY SMELLS - Get a perfect in 1- 1 using only a game pad. Total Owners: 3. 11,0. Achievement percentage: 1. Heresy! An achievement that requires ditching the holy mouse and keyboard for a filthy gamepad? What does BIT. TRIP BEAT take us for, console players? Everyone knows a good M+K combo is the only way to play. Sure, it makes driving games a bit twitchy, and performing combos in third- person action games can be tricky without analogue sticks, and fighting games don't always work so great, and stealth sequences tend to be a little wonky with WASD…Okay. So maybe gamepads aren't that bad. Still, locking an achievement to a specific piece of hardware is a surefire way to tick off achievement hunters. The BIT. TRIP devs found that out the hard way with the game's 'SIXTH. SENSE' achievement, which required players to beat a level using Razer's short- lived Sixense motion controller. The backlash to 'SIXTH. SENSE' drove the devs to delete the achievement from Steam completely, which technically makes it one of the rarest achievements out there. Not quite as rare as a game with motion controls that don't feel like total garbage, but still…The Stanley Parable. Go outside - Don't play The Stanley Parable for five years Total Owners: 2. Number of achievers: 2 verified through AStats (6. Steam) Games are meant to be played—we usually take that much for granted. It's a little odd, then, when a game actively encourages you not to play it. Odd, however, is what The Stanley Parable's all about. I mean, one of the game's endings involves running back and forth between two buttons for four hours. And that's not to mention the pointed commentary on the nature of free will and the human tendency towards obeisance. Like I said, odd. The Stanley Parable's weirdest elements, however, are definitely its achievements. In addition to an achievement simply entitled 'Unachievable' (paradoxically earned by 3. Go outside' achievement that tasks players with not playing the game for five years straight. Since The Stanley Parable released in October 2. October next year. Of course, that hasn't stopped some unscrupulous Steam users from setting their computer clocks forward to unlock the achievement early. Cheating to not play a game? I guess some people will do anything for their sweet cheevos. Garry's Mod. Addict - You have wasted a year of your life playing GMod! Total Owners: 1. 3. Number of achievers: 9 verified on AStats (1. Steam) You can do a lot of things in the 8. You could play 1. Rocket League. You could marathon the entire current run of The Simpsons—all 6. You could hitch a ride on a rocket and fly to Mars, with enough time left over to plant the seeds of an interplanetary rebellion. You could also spend every one of those 8. Garry's Mod in order to unlock the 'Addict' achievement. And when I say playing, I don't just mean booting up the game and letting it idle in the menu. You have to be connected to an active server for your time to count. Unsurprisingly, the hefty investment involved has kept the achievement's completion percentage at just 1. AStats devising strategies for minimizing the resources used by Garry's Mod so you can leave it running in the background while you tend to other tasks. I have to wonder, though, how many people left their computers on while they were working or sleeping solely to unlock this achievement? At a modest estimate, 8. USD, which is a whole lot of money for a single achievement. Kind of puts all those pesky microtransactions to shame, doesn't it? Train Simulator. DLC scenarios Total Owners: 9. Completion percentage: 0. Speaking of money, Train Simulator boasts some of the rarest achievements on Steam, but that's not because they're brutally difficult or stubbornly obscure. Heck, the achievement descriptions make it pretty obvious what you've got to do: the 'It Works For Dogs!' achievement reads 'Awarded for completing scenario [Railfan. Mode] Barking. It's not like the game's unpopular either, with nearly a million owners on Steam and a median playtime of a respectable 7.
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